my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
