There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
