Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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