My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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