the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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