I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
