So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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