I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
