I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
