It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
