Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
