I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's shark week go big or go home
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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