Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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