That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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