Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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