is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
