Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
