i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
