Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
