I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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