Your tits are I can't wait for
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
