you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
