Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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