I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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