I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's official drugs can't kill me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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