dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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