Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
