I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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