The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i barfeds in our rink
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
