somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize