I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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