Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
