DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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