Plan B is the new Plan A
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
