So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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