he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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