i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
