One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize