was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
