we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
