She said her name was "party"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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