i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
