I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
