Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
