beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
