coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
