this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
