i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
