I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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