someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
