Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
