i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
