So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
