My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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