I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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