My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
