My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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