I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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