i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
