Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
