Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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