i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
